Revealed: Secret Illuminati Plans To Take Over Space

The group's next move could turn out to be their boldest yet
                                      

Is there no end to Illuminati ambition?

After infiltrating the MTV headquarters and planting a mind-control device in Justin Bieber's head, the Illuminati have now turned their eyes toward the heavens.

According to our sources the high-ranking member Nicki Minaj is drawing up a long-term strategy for the conquest of outer space. 

Apparently, Minaj, who is also the group's chief astrophysicist has almost completed plans to give the Illuminati a foothold in the heavens.

The first step will be the construction of a giant satellite dish, which will beam Illuminati propaganda into all corners of the galaxy. 

To this end Jay-Z has recently filmed several music videos in his underground bunker, each one carefully tailored toward any extra-terrestrial viewers.

This move represents another step-up in the group's ambitions.

It follows closely after last year's conquest of the world's oceans.

Playing backward Satanic messages to fish the Illuminati were able to convert 90 per cent of the Earth's trout and mackerel population to their cause.

It is possible that these fish were involved in the recent death of Robin Williams, who had long been seen as a key figure in the resistance. 

Reports suggest that certain "assassin fish" had been specially trained to penetrate the houses of anti-Illuminati figures via their exposed plumbing systems.

The taming of outer-space, however, would be an even greater victory for the organisation.

If successful it will provide them with fresh resources and a base from which to launch further attacks on an unsuspecting Earth.

But not even the Illuminati faithful believe that it will be an easy task.

In the event that they will meet hostile civilizations the group has enlisted famed alien-killers Sigourney Weaver and William Shatner, who together will lead combat operations. 

And even if the lifeforms they meet are friendly Illuminati forces will still have to contend with the deadly radiation sent by Jesus, who is understood to maintain a semi-detached bungalow somewhere in Space.

Fortunately for them the prolific inventor and Illuminati high-priest Kanye West is currently looking for a solution to these potential problems, having put his plans for leather sweat pants momentarily aside.

Watch this space, then (as well as the one above your heads.)