Willy Samson was an Illuminati member from 2010 until 2013. In an exclusive series of articles for The Holy Book of Robocop he reveals the shocking levels of incompetence he found in the organisation.
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| Bieber: A pivotal figure for the organisation? |
When I arrived at the Illuminati I immediately set to work on analysing the international political scene and devising ways to make it work to the group's advantage.
I was to find that in doing so I was drastically out of step with official policy.
"Oh don't worry about that", I was told once at a briefing. "All that political stuff will take care of itself."
The official in question handed me a couple of glossy photographs.
"What we're concentrating on today are MC Hammer and Justin Bieber. MC Hammer is pretty much ours but Bieber is still on the fence. We need to bring those two into the fold today. Pretty much everything hinges on this."
Throughout my three years at the Illuminati I constantly ran into the same preoccupation with "celeb" culture.
It was during my tenure that Hugo Chavez died at the age of 58. For a while I attempted to manipulate the Venezuelan power struggles taking place in the wake of his death.
This was to prove impossible, since Illuminati resources at that point were concentrated almost solely on the MTV music awards.
Apparently the top priority group-wide was making certain that Justin Timberlake beat Bruno Mars in the best male video category.
The justification for this was that Timberlake had an image of a pyramid in his video that, I was reliably told, would turn any teenage girl watching into a satanic sex slave.
The justification for this was that Timberlake had an image of a pyramid in his video that, I was reliably told, would turn any teenage girl watching into a satanic sex slave.
"It's fricking awesome", the same source added.
Watch this space, for further revelations!
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