Are Richard and Judy acting as mercenaries in Ukraine?

Suggestions that the pair could be involving themselves in Eastern European affairs

                                                                     

Pictured after a violent brawl in London's west end

Amongst the recent upheavals disturbing new reports have emerged from the Ukrainian capital.

In February this year a Ukrainian man witnessed two strangers enter a busy, Kiev nightclub. At some time around 9 PM, he says, an expensively dressed man, along with what appeared to be his female bodyguard pushed their way to the bar and order two drinks.

However, it is what happened next that has caught the attention of the world's press.

At some point it appears that one of the bar's locals accidentally spilt some of his drink over the male newcomer's designer suit.

Reports from then on are hazy, since it is here that our witness took the opportunity to escape through an open window. 

"I didn't like the look of them, so I ran away," he told The Holy Book of Robocop. "The man looked like a sadist and the woman looked half wrestler, half assassin."

But it seems certain that the female half of the duo proceeded to go on a bloodthirsty rampage through the nightclub.

Using nothing but bare hands and stilettos she tore her way through a dozen individuals before kicking down a back door and escaping into the night with her hysterically laughing accomplice.

Interpol, arriving a day later had no doubt that they were looking at the handiwork of Richard Madeley and Judy Finnigan.

The above testimony is just one indication that the infamous television duo are currently active in Ukraine.

His ambition has continued to grow

If these rumours are true, they will come as no surprise to those most familiar with the pair's modus operandi.

Madeley and Finnigan have proven consistently willing to interfere in the affairs of foreign nations.

With his low cunning and Finnigan's gift for violence they have crept up in crisis states all over the world, turning the tides in Mexican drug wars and using their gifts as communicators to train child soldiers in sub-Saharan Africa.

2014 Ukraine would appear to be a perfect fit for the pair.

Already possessing links to Russia reaching back to Finnigan's previous career in counter terrorism they have been regular guests of Russian President Vladimir Putin. 

Finnigan has been glimpsed in Moscow putting on ultra-violent Judo displays, while Putin is currently supplying Madeley with a steady supply of Russian virgins.

As of yet the couple's motivations remain unclear. It has been suggested that Putin has offered the pair airtime on Russian television, allowing "Richard and Judy" to reach a whole new audience.

Another possibility is that Moscow could be supplying the pair with ex-KGB thugs to fill the ranks of Madeley's ever-expanding personal militia.

If the reports are true they could explain the presence of the "cruel looking man" seen directing government forces in their offensive against rioters, and could shed light on the mysterious woman in a summer dress seen head-butting protesters and throwing Molotov cocktails at journalists.


Vitali Klitschko, when asked for his opinion was keen to stress that as yet nothing had been confirmed.

However, when pressed further he admitted that the stories were profoundly worrying.

"I sparred with Finnigan in the run up to the Olympics," he told The Holy Book of Robocop. "And I swear to God my testicles have never been the same since."